Return of Saturn

I've always been the sort of person to just go after what I wanted. I was the first girl in my high school to participate in a male-dominated sport. The first girl in my CIF division, even! I scored the opportunity to co-host a popular radio show in a major market with my favorite radio personality. (Even if it was for just one night!) When I became interested in a guy, I asked him out. And, I didn't let the fact that he was a real-live rock-n-roll star stop me. I became a vet-tech and was assisting with surgeries before I was 18. If there was something I wanted, I figured that with enough heart, persistence, and determination, I'd get it.

Then, something happened. In my second year of college I found myself in need of a job. Attempting to be somewhat pragmatic, I decided I'd look in my future career field so that I could gain some experience along the way. The only problem was: I wasn't sure what my future career field was. I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. Rather, I did know, but it suddenly seemed incredibly impractical. I'd always had a passion for medicine, whether it involved people or animals. But, while I enjoyed--and even excelled at--science, I lacked the confidence to get there. So, that's when I found myself floating along like plankton in the ocean.

Through the job line at my university, I found a job in [unnamed helping profession.] (Thanks, Feral Mom) The job entailed working with kids, which I not only loved, but was skilled at. This led to my finally declaring a major: psychology. A field I had never intended to study. I graduated college with a whole lot of luck. There were many lectures I never attended, many chapters I never read, and many projects that I didn't start until the last minute. "D means degreee!" I would chant to my friends.

It's been nearly 10 years since I checked that box to declare my major. I stayed in [unnamed helping profession] (thanks, Feral Mom) And even got a masters in the field, thanks to an opportunity presented to me at work. Well, I would have if I would have turned in the paperwork. For all intents and purposes, except the ones that matter, I have an M.S. [in field related to unnamed helping profession.]

I'm so dissatisfied with where I'm at, and I believe it's because for the last ten years, I've been floating along like plankton. Everything that I've achieved has been an opportunity that floated past me. It wasn't necessarily anything that I dreamt about, nothing I was passionate about. It was just something to do. I needed a job in college, I needed a major, I needed a job after college... Oh, a master's? Well, I guess I might as well...

Part II later.